JUSTICE, THE POLITICAL ECONOMY, AND CAESAR

Today I'm starting a series of messages looking toward Christmas. And the theme of those services is “A Universe of Promise.” God made promises to his people all through history. Promises to be their God and to walk faithfully with them through whatever circumstances they were in. Those promises are still being kept.

As a part of these services we’ve invited different members of our church to share stories of how God is at work in our world. The first conversation we’ll share is with Izak VanderWesthuizen.  As a town councilor he has a particular challenge to discern God’s call in the Town Council and how to resist the ways of worldly politics while living as a disciple of Jesus.

• Question: As a believer, what difficulties have you experienced in your role of Councillor?
• Answer: Politicians often make promises they cannot keep and this is always a challenge.

• Question: Have you seen God at work or thwarted in the workings of the Council?
• Answer: In the new strategic plan for the Town, we are committed to transparency, I want my family to see me living with integrity and honesty.
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• Question: What can the church community do to assist you in your calling?
• Answer: In order to maintain balance in life and to do a good job I request the prayers of my church community.

Prayer

Let’s take those thoughts and hold them close as we read today’s scripture.

Luke 2.1-2

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to his own town to register.

Isaiah 61.1-4

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

²  to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

³  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins

and restore the places long devastated;

they will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generations.

We are celebrating Advent again. When did this official season take shape and the rituals of candle lighting begin? A lot longer back in history than many may realise. Long before Christ came. Long before. In fact the longing for Messiah – that’s the Hebrew word for Christ – started in the Garden. The promise that Eve’s son would crush Satan, a promise held onto tightly by God’s people ever since. A promise Isaiah wrote about – he and many others wrote about Messiah’s coming. They wrote about what the world would look like after he came.

And what a world it was that Jesus came into.

Rome was in power. A long struggle within and without forged an Empire. Arguably the longest running and most politically stable of all time.

At Jesus birth most of Europe, the Middle East and North Africa enjoyed the Peace of Rome. The administration system was ordered and incredibly efficient. Communication systems via road and sea brought news incredibly fast throughout the empire. Rome’s armies were the best trained, equipped and disciplined. Rome ruled the world either by direct control or through political influence. Slowly on the military became so powerful that politicians feared and obeyed them.

The economy was based on a gold standard and the decisions that affected life for the many were controlled by the few. The military elite and politicians lived off of favours and tax exemption. The middle class worked hard, but couldn’t get ahead, the poor generally became poorer. Small family farms were squeezed out by large operations run by the wealthy. Others lost their employment as the empire expanded and jobs were relocated to new lands where people worked as slaves. So the government accepted them into the cities, gave them welfare in the form of bread and put on games to keep them occupied; to distract them from the misery they had no escape from. Homelessness was common.

And the justice system. It was established on the basis of equality and justice for all, but the truth was that the powerful could evade justice and the poor could not. Might was right; it was a culture that dealt out harsh penalties but unevenly. Only the rich could afford the best justice; certainly the middle class and poor were victimized more often than helped in the courts.

And it was a culture that tried its best to promote the family through religion. It featured domineering male leadership, limited rights for women, no rights for children or slaves. All based on the unpredictable and violent  gods of Rome.

The Roman Peace - Pax Romana - became the model for human achievement. Values like stability, order, social peace; and a harmonious multicultural society have dominated the western world since then.

Doesn’t most of Europe and North America have the same goals and use the same methods? Haven’t we seen repeated social rebellions like the Occupy movement over and over throughout history? Dare we ask why are the economies of the world shaken? Why is military activity on the rise? Why do mega corporations control so much at the expense of the family farm and business? Why are people rebelling against broken justice systems? Why, because empires will fall including the one we have here in North America. It is only a matter of time.

The ultimate symbol of peace in Rome was the Peace Altar. It still exists. Peace at human cost; altars are for making sacrifices after all; peace defined by the winner. Is that the kind of peace Jesus came to bring?

The Legacy of Rome is alive and well today. Jesus walked into that situation and so do we. So how did he deal with it?

The bible tells us that Jesus appears with a counter-cultural message.

For the most part he ignored the Empire. Once questioned he said, give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s. In that way Jesus is saying, sure the Empire exists; we need government in one form or another. So pay your taxes and follow the law up until it conflicts with God’s law. Nothing more, nothing less.

On another occasion he healed a Centurion’s daughter. For the super religious Jew that would be a betrayal to all Israel. But he did it to show a picture of the Kingdom of God appearing. In Christ there is no Jew and Gentile, all are one.

And on yet another occasion he met with a young man who wanted to justify his religious life-style. And Jesus tells him to sell all he has and give to the poor. The man went away sad because he was very wealthy. His money was his idol – first priority. He become a reflection of it and discovered that his self-worth was bound up in status, wealth and accomplishments. And he didn’t want to change.

In all of these encounters Jesus remains committed to his message. There is new life in me. Take note everyone, those devoted to empire will do what the empire does; those who are in Christ do not have to do them as well.

Jesus knows that all people will struggle with the movement toward empire in at least three ways.

1.       To try and get ahead, or to grow the business or to achieve power, but in the process lose their soul. To lose what matters more. Do we ask often enough, what’s it all for?

2.       Or to become hardened toward those who have less, or who are different by gender, race or intelligence and to thereby miss the reality that grace is for all people regardless of whether they come to Christ or not.

3.       Jesus knows we struggle with his simple message. Give to God what is God’s - true obedience; living by faith and not by the goals of empire.

Soon after his death a historian wrote:

Josephus antiquities 18.63-64

63) Now, there was about this time Jesus, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man, for he was a doer of wonderful works—a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure.The tribe of Christians, so named from him, are not extinct at this day.

If it be lawful to call him a man. Interesting comment; from day one Jesus is recognized as being more than a man. The tribe of Christians is alive today because he is God. And the tribe must take Jesus seriously.

Jesus the Messiah is the one anointed and empowered to bring justice and righteousness on earth. It is his message that remains; humanity is invited into a new reality where the broken hearted are healed, where those who mourn their own sin and the state of the Church will hear comfort; they will be comforted! Where those who accept messiah receive the eternally fruitful righteousness of God. And such lives can do nothing but demonstrate the beauty of God.

Such lives continue to subvert the Empire and show it to be the foolishness it is. Such lives bring true peace. Such lives need to be nurtured and fed. Nurtured by God’s word as we reflect on scripture and the ways of God’s kingdom; nurtured in our children by the example of our lives. Fed by the Spirit through prayer, worship and celebration at the Table.

Do you wish to be nurtured and fed to live in empire but not overwhelmed by it? Then come, all is prepared for you.

So what is baptism for?

Over the past few months, I’ve been challenged to come up with a good reason to baptize infants. In the Reformed /Presbyterian/Lutheran/Anglican/Catholic traditions we do this regularly and many wonder why. Because as many other believers tell us, it seems odd if not downright wrong. What about personal faith and repentance? What about it indeed?

So along with a mixed group of members from my church we shifted through what the various texts about baptism reveal. Stating with two from the New Testament we discovered that God had ideas about this in the Old Testament period. 1 Peter 4 points to the Flood as a type of baptism just as  1 Corinthians 10 point to the exodus across the Red Sea.

And it seems pretty clear in these two stories that God causes people to be baptized without their prior decision or faith. I find that interesting. I also find it interesting that in the Old Testament, God includes children as a part of his people. The cut of circumcision for boys marks them as God’s own who must respond with faithful living. The girls are included simply because they are daughters, wives and mothers. That may seem chauvinistic, but the upside is that this is a pain –free inclusion without incision.

So on we went into the New Testament. Jesus’ baptism, we discovered, has little to do with anyone else’s. Jesus identifies with humanity, but he never had a faith or sin problem. Everyone else we read about gets baptized because, of course, as first generation converts to Christ they would have to be.  And what about their children? The Bible is not silent. As a continuation of God’s way of dealing with people, it seems infants and children are still included by rite. Families are baptized and children declared holy. Jesus blesses little children and after all isn’t that what we remember in their baptism? I find it highly unlikely that the first parents baptized in Jesus’ name would leave their children behind, so to speak. With over a thousand years of life with God and no clear command to leave all that behind, the first generation of Christians would not have shed their Jewish roots; what is new in Christ is the end to the sacrificial system as a means of atonement. That’s it.  God fulfills covenants, he never renders them void. Jesus mentioned the same thing at one point.

In every story we read in both testaments it’s God who acts first. God calls – implants the idea to search him out – and then enables an answer that leads to faith. That’s how it’s always been; God initiates and people respond one way or the other, but in either case they are declared his own until they opt out, if you will, by rejecting God’s love. So on I go and baptize infants; in fact I’d baptize an entire family on the basis of one member coming to faith. Why, because with that one person’s active faith we can declare that God has already called the rest into his people and will not stop inviting a response.

At the end of our discussions there were a couple of conclusions beyond what I’ve already stated. The water does nothing of course; it’s not magical. It points to what God is doing. And, by being baptized, the person has been marked by God to live the life of faith with the help of the Christian community.

That led to a great conversation about how so many believers don’t follow through on the promises they make in their baptism and profession of faith. We are to help each other raise our children and disciple each other in the training and instruction of the Lord. In my experience, we don’t do that nearly as well as we could. And this has led to many misunderstandings about God, baptism, faith and life.

The historic argument against infant baptism has usually sounded much like this. Infants can’t repent; infant shouldn’t be raised think that they are already saved. Faith demands a response and so on. And while I agree that faith demands a response, I disagree that an infant is incapable. God can touch the heart of old and young alike and whether we can see or hear the response in a way that satisfies us reveals a serious problem.

In fact I’ll just say it. The historic argument, it seems to me, rests on the notion that well-meaning believers actually think that faith can be perceived in another clearly and confidently. As if we are the gatekeepers knowing who is or isn’t loved, accepted and born again by God. As if we know where the Spirit works and how. Yes a tree is known by its fruit, but evangelical behavioral standards often get confused with the kind of godliness our Lord is looking for. The problem it seems to me is that too often we think we are in control; we aren’t.

Romans 11.33-36

³³   Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable his judgments,

and his paths beyond tracing out!

³⁴    “Who has known the mind of the Lord?

Or who has been his counselor?”

³⁵    “Who has ever given to God,

that God should repay him?”

³⁶    For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

What About The Family?

Over the past two weeks we have been working through some challenging material. Sex, marriage and today’s topic, the family, topics that affect all of us in some way whether young or old, single, married or single again. The web of family relationships cannot be escaped. For better or worse we are sexual beings organized into groups and it’s in those groups that we figure out how to become adults, marriage partners, or not and where we get our first introduction to parenting.

And so we begin. I had an interesting experience as I worked through today’s text. I began doing word searches and defining certain words and then I got a random thought.  So I typed into Google two simple words: angry children. And guess what? Out popped the number of hits, that is references, to those two simple words: angry children. Guess how many I got? 288,000,000, that’s right, over a quarter of a billion references.

And as I looked deeper I discovered what many of you know to be true. There are many angry children and youth in the world today, the problem is in fact getting worse and parents are struggling with what to do about it.

Many well-meaning parents just don’t have the tools to parent well. And even if they do have the tools many parents are doing it on their own either because their partners are absent due to work, divorce or death. The truth: parenting is hard work.

So I’ve been wondering about all of that and thought it timely to hear God’s word on family life.

So let’s read a familiar text out of Ephesians 6. We’ll read verses 1-4, which is based in the traditional two parent home. I mention that to assure single parents that there is a message of hope for you as well. This part of the letter is concerned about family relationships based on faith in Christ. In him there is strength to live well.

Ephesians 6.1-4: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

There are two points to the text. First, children are called to accept their parent’s training and instruction as a sign of respect and obedience.

And second, parents are responsible to create the kind of environment for that to happen.

So let’s first explore the responsibilities of the children. The Spirit is urging that children obey their parents. The text is simple clear and exact. Obey, means to respond to, accept, it comes from the idea of answering the door. And honour:  also means just what it says: give worth to someone, respect. And children, both young and old are told to do so for three reasons, it’s the right thing to do, it is a part of their own devotion and belief in Christ and by doing it children are promised a full and blessed life. And as we look around in the world, children who grow up doing the right thing and honouring those in authority tend to have just such lives.

The truth is that all children are engaged in a battle of wills with their parents from day one. True, some will express it more strongly than others, but all will battle. There is no getting around it; which is why disrespectful children need to be corrected. It may seem cute when a toddler throws food or makes a scene in a public place, but by age 5 it will no longer seem so.

At that point, you may be wondering what ever happened to my little bundle of joy. There is a new diagnosis being made now. It’s called Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And it shows up at about age 5 when after living their early years without boundaries that communicate safety and love, children are angry, rebellious and act out.

We all might as well accept the fact right now; all children, all of us have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. If I demand you all do something right now, some will do it out of respect, some out of fear. Some will refuse quietly and others will tell me to get lost. Isn’t that about how children and youth act when parents try the same thing?

So respect and obedience are expected from children, but there are important limits to this, built right into the text.

Limit 1 – children are asked to obey, but they do not have to obey ungodly demands. Believing children have a unique challenge here to follow Christ first and then the will of their parents.

Limit 2 - The age of the child will change the expression of honour and obey.  The Old Testament taught that to honour went hand in hand with to obey. Honouring or respecting your parents – both mother and father - is the most important way to express obedience. For children living at home, honouring both father and mother is obeying, living by the house rules. While for adult children who have left home honor and obey means to have a respectful attitude toward both father and mother. It does not mean to obey them in everything.

Let’s shift direction to see this from the other side. Parents, when our children leave the home, we have to let them go. They remain our children but out of our control. If all has been well, a bond of respect should allow us to speak into our children’s lives. If this is true they will ask our advice, but make their own decisions. That is as it should be, the result of creating an environment of trust where the words of our text come true.

We’re now into point two: the parent’s responsibility.

Good parenting involves discipline, but it also involves building and maintaining healthy relationships. Fathers set the tone in the home. Fathers are charged to lead the effort with the cooperative support and help of his wife. Together creating a godly, stable and safe environment for the whole family to be nurtured and matured in.

In a perfect world, headship and being a father does not mean being the absolute ruler and supreme commander. Those are terms for the military. Being the head of the home, is more about conversation and partnership whereby the man invites the wife into discussions on how best to follow God’s design for parenting and children. It means getting on and staying on the same page about discipline, instruction and nurture.

Men can and should learn from their wives. We are created differently, with different insights and primary emotions. Husband and wives do well to work it out together as part of their marriage vows – the two becoming one flesh.

And this approach is essential to being a good parent.

The text says: fathers must not exasperate their children. To exasperate is to provoke anger. And this can be done in many ways: by making unreasonable demands, insults, petty rules, showing favoritism being over-critical; having overly ambitious goals for their children, being overindulgent and being overprotective.

And such actions cause children to become discouraged and angry people.

Here are some comments from teens:

·         "I get angry when there are other priorities, no time for me and I feel like I don’t matter."

·         "I get angry when my parents are unfair and there’s no point in talking to them."

·         "I get angry because I love my parents and they act like they hate each other. How am I supposed to respect them when they act like that."

·         "I treat my parents the same way they treat me."

The thing to remember is that anger is always a secondary emotion. Something makes us angry. For example, a teen makes a mistake – drops a bag of groceries. They feel bad about it and then a parent tells them to be more careful or reminds them of the cost, it could be anything like that. Suddenly that teen now feels shame, hurt and anger. They lash out and storm off. What other words could be said by the parent?

The terrible reality is that provoked children become settled in their anger. It becomes their way of life.

So, how can this change?  It seems in at least two ways. First, fathers and mothers ask yourself and your spouse if you exasperate your children. If you’re single you’ll need a friend to help with this. Talk about it and find new ways to correct with encouragement.  Second, observe your children. It’s usually easy to see if a line has been crossed and when it has been talk with them about it. Confess and ask forgiveness; we’re all called to learn from our mistakes.

Today, some families operate as they did in Paul’s time. Children were taught through beating and intimidation. Obedience came through fear. Instead, Paul wants Christian fathers to be gentle, patient educators of their children.

Paul’s concern and ours should be that our children are nurtured and raised to know God and have respect for others. Nurtured means to provide for physical and spiritual needs; in the training of the Lord, means teaching children right from wrong by sharing scripture and personal faith stories; Instruction of the Lord means the act of providing guidance for responsible living in the world.

Ultimately, the concern of parents is not simply that their sons and daughters will be obedient to their authority, but that through this godly training and instruction their children will come to know and obey the Lord himself as responsible citizens in society.

And again a limit: no matter how heartfelt and sincerely godly a parent or parents may be, Ultimately, disobedient children will bear the consequences of their actions, even as wise parents will never stop trying to show the way and receive the wayward child back home.

The message for families today, no matter how you think you’re doing is to accept and believe that “in the Lord” healthy, functioning family relationships are not just possible but likely. Refuse to accept that the battle of the generations is just how it is. Satan really is trying to set father against son and mother against daughter. As the Spirit reminds us:

Eph. 6.12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

We should all realize that in order to be a healthy family together, families need time together. Children and teens need parents who are available both physically and emotionally. The need is growing. The world takes normal teen urges to explore, test boundaries and question everything from the Bible to the point of going to school; the world twists those urges into things and choices that are truly risky, life threatening and altering.

Teens need a safe place to talk about such things as sex, tattoos, drugs, alcohol and their dreams, goals and understanding of the world. Parents, if we refuse to talk about such things, our teens will find someone else to talk with. Someone who may not have the wisdom to help guide the faith journey properly.

We are all broken; we are all tempted to speak before listening, to deal with surface issues rather than listen to the heart. But in the Lord, all of that can change. Single parent or two parent, three parent families or four. All can find healing and unity around the table. It may be the most profoundly simple thing to do, but in my experience precious. Eat meals together and talk. Do it daily, if at all possible. And don’t worry if talk becomes an argument; that is still communication, just keep at it. Learn from it, deepen love and trust because of it.

Remember, just as Christ brings us together around his table, something equally powerful happens when we share meals with those we have differences with in our own families. Embrace that, embrace Christ who makes us one.

What is Marriage For?

Marriage

Today we’re continuing in our series on sex, marriage and the family. Today the topic is marriage – what is it and what is it for. To get us started on the right track, let’s read from Hebrews 13.

Our text is part of a list encouraging believers to live well according to God’s will and design for life.

Hebrews 13.1-6

Keep on loving each other as brothers. ² Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. ³ Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

⁴ Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;

never will I forsake you.”

⁶ So we say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?”

These verses place marriage right in the middle of the high calling God gives believers. God’s people are to be different in their priorities and values. An example to the world of God’s love and good design for life. But let’s be honest. Right now divorce statistics are the same for those in and outside of the church. What’s gone wrong?

It seems that believers have forgotten what marriage is and what it’s for. In my experience more couple are concerned about planning their wedding than preparing for marriage. Many couples treat sex as the foundation for their relationship instead of the climax. Last week we discussed sexual purity. Sex outside of marriage exposes the inner person with no protection against hurt or abuse. Singles are called to wait for sex until marriage because marriage is the only container strong enough to protect sex and those who engage in it. Marriage and sex must go together as a single unit; it’s precious and needs the power of Christ to keep it protected, safe and whole. But surely marriage is more than sex, right?

So let’s get into it: What is marriage?

As we saw last week through Genesis 1 and 2, marriage is God’s gift where men and women find a partner to open themselves to. Someone to share life with. Someone to help them understand themselves and their urges.  Someone shares a desire for intimacy– intimate communion on every level. Emotional, spiritual and physical. Because it is in just such a union that it’s safe to bring children into the world; where spiritual growth and emotional maturity happens; where sex can be enjoyed vigorously as the good and powerful God given urge that moves people toward each other.

So, what is marriage? It is the relationship of two equal but different persons both made in God’s image, intended to be a life-long exclusive partnership marked by faithfulness and love, where the man and woman become one, growing and maturing by learning how to express and receive love.

And as the Biblical story unfolds nothing changes except that reaching this goal becomes harder. Marriage remains a union marked by a sincere commitment to deepen the bond between them, remain faithful to each other and to stay married; there is a public declaration of the marriage done through local customs and sexual union.

For Isaac and Rebecca we read they saw each other and he took her home – bam, married. With Boaz and Ruth he made a commitment to the Elders and slammed his shoe down – bam they were married. With Mary and Joseph - an arranged marriage - again, bam they are married. Customs change the essentials remain the same: the couple commitment to each other in a public declaration and ceremony, they respect local customs and join in sexual union = marriage.

What’s so hard about that? Not much except that not everyone agrees. It seems clear that many people want to define marriage to suit their own goals. Most if not everyone come to marriage with their own ideas and plans and self-interest. Most come into marriage wanting their own way. And this causes tension, arguments and when things go very wrong separation, loss and grief.

What’s gone wrong? To find the answer let’s take one more look at Genesis 1-3 where we hope to rediscover one more thing that God has designed for marriage. It’s good but often misunderstood and abandoned. We’re about to explore how God designed marriage to work through male headship and female responsiveness, otherwise known as submission. So because many only think they know how to handle this life giving teaching, let’s review and be sure.

There are a few things to note in Genesis 2.

⁷Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground . . . ¹⁵ and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁸The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  ²¹So he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

²³The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

These verses tell us four things. First, the man is created first and lives alone for a period of time naming animals and taking care of things. Second, while he is created of dust, the woman is created from man indicating strongly that they belong together, she is made out of him and that makes them equal. Men are not better than women in any way. Third, under God’s guidance the man names the woman, moves toward her and honours her. And fourth this all happens before the fall, which mean that God’s design is good and life giving.

It’s for these reasons we get the meaning of headship, which is “In the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction.  Ray Ortlund

The man has the responsibility to lead their wives and children along the way with God, while God gives the woman the role of being “a help corresponding to him.” Created as a helper who is equal but different not less than: partners who exactly complement each other.

And then Genesis three happens.  Marital harmony becomes disrupted and disordered. Sin comes on both of them. Eve is deceived by Satan because Adam gives up his role as leader. We can ask, why is Eve making small talk with Satan, where is Adam, he seems to be close by. Maybe he thought like so many men still do, oh well she’s better at religious stuff than I am.  Sin enters when the created order is reversed by husband and wife.

The Bible agrees and lays the blame on both. 1 Timothy 2 describes how Eve becomes a sinner and Romans 5 says sin came into the world through Adam. Through both sin comes and brings conflict into all relationships starting with their own.

Genesis 3.16 tells us that immediately female responsiveness becomes rebellion. There we read, “To the woman God said, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”  It’s important to know the word translated “desire” is unusual. It implies an aggressive desire, a desire to conquer or rule over, an urge to oppose her husband, to act “against” him. And male headship becomes domination. Men now respond to women with a rule that comes from greater physical strength and aggressiveness, a rule that is forceful and at times harsh (the verb māshal).

God’s good design has been twisted. Too often women are abused verbally, emotionally or physically by husbands who are bullies and too often men are also abused verbally, emotionally or physically by vicious wives. Hopefully this explains why so many of us struggle with relating to the opposite sex. Not only are we created as different beings, male and female, we are also confused and burdened by sin. It’s a serious problem and yet in Christ men and women are called to embrace godly headship and responsiveness.

Col. 3:18–19 “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” And not surprisingly the greater burden is placed on men. 1 Peter 3 tells women to not nag their husband and men should not bully their wives. But only men get the warning, if you do bully your wife “it will hinder your prayers.”

Slowly on now, we begin to see the challenge of marriage and keeping the marriage bed pure. The simple understanding of the verse is, don’t let anyone or anything disrupt the bond between husband and wife. Don’t let anything come between you and your spouse. Not the kids, not money, not the job or career, not another person or sport or hobby, not a sexually explicit picture or film or anything else that may come between two people. In some ways that’s easy – anyone with will power can do it. We’re talking about resisting the sin that still distorts our actions.

Our text can only be met in Christ and in his power. It’s telling us that marital fulfillment comes through embracing and redeeming male headship and female responsiveness. Accepting responsibility, doing the hard work of becoming Christ like men and women.

We asked, what is marriage for? Well, marriage is where men and women can be transformed by their life together to live in harmony as God intended. Where men exercise empowering headship, lead and take responsibility for the spiritual health of his wife and children. Where women exercise empowering responsiveness, partnering with their husbands in all aspects of married and family life. And that is huge, impossible to do on our own; possible only with and in Christ.

To the married men here, do we have the courage to lead? To submit to Christ, to be personally responsible for the spiritual nurture of our wives and children? To initiate and personally lead times of family prayer, bible reading and bring our families to worship?  To teach our families what it means to  follow Christ? Do we have the courage to balance work and hobbies so that we regularly have time and energy to really be present with our wives or children? Time and energy to meet their emotional needs as only a father can? Do we have the courage to change the way we live and accept the role God has given us? Do we have the courage to accept that there are times when our wives refuse to follow because we are being bullies?

And to the married women, do you have the courage to submit to Christ and resist taking charge? Do you have the courage to respond to his leadership, help and encourage him in this without taking over?  Courage to insist that he perform his role as head of the home.  Are you committed to respecting and supporting him as he learns how to live true to his primary responsibilities of spiritual care and nurture? Will you allow him to lead you and your family? Do you have the courage to accept that there are times when your husbands  fail to lead because you are getting in the way?

All who believe in Christ are called to live into a new reality. Do we have the courage? Christ says, I will never leave or betray you. Do we have the courage to call for help when our marriage partner refuses to change and accept their responsibility to serve or respond in love? Do we have the courage to confess past sin and ask Christ to heal our heart and make our marriages beautiful?

We have a choice each day to receive what God has intended for marriage. It’s hard work; it’s worth the effort. In the words of one who did:

How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the faith.… Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in spirit. They are, in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit. They pray together, they worship together, instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.… They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts. (Tertullian, To His Wife)

So what is Sex For, Anyway?

Message: Sex

Matthew 19.1-12

Text: Matt 19.4-6

Today we’re entering a minefield. The issue before us is crucial, but uncomfortable; it is exactly the kind of issue we should talk about, but often don’t. Why? Because it addresses something so basic to every human being we are threatened by it.

The issue is sex. There, I said it; it’s now out in the open. So while you may find this awkward or embarrassing because of your own sexual past or opinions, please hold judgment until we’re finished.

Let me give you a snap shot of what’s going on.

On the one hand, this morning we celebrated the baptism of two infant boys. They are, obviously, the result of two sexual beings – a man and a woman – coming together in love and security. They are the result of a deep emotional, spiritual and physical joining. This is sex as it was meant to be.

But, on the other hand, today the typical 10-11 year old will have already seen sexual images up to and including nudity. By 15, 1/3 of all 15 year olds will have had sexual intercourse. By 18 the number will double to 2/3. And, half of them will have had multiple partners. Studies suggest teen boys have sex to gain social status and girls are looking for intimacy. Both can be traced to a lack of close friendships or family bonds. Some will have had sex because simply due to peer pressure. I understand this personally, in grade 9, my best friend was sexually active. In Grade 12 a different friend found himself a dad.

In Canada during 2005 there were over 30,500 teen pregnancies. That is about 3 for every 100 women between the ages of 15-19.  Over half of these pregnancies ended in abortion.  By age 19 25% of women will have had at least one STD, which can seriously affect their ability to bear future children.

And all these statistics apply in and outside of the church. The average age for a teen’s first experience with sexual intercourse is 17½ years old. The only group of singles to produce those willing to wait for sex are those who take faith very seriously and in that group 1/3 wait until the age of 21.

I could continue with statistics of those who divorce because of infidelity, or the sexual habits of those who invite others into a marriage, but I think we get the point.

It really seems that given the state of things in our world today, teaching the Bible on this topic should probably happen more often than once in a long while.

And so that our goals today are clear we’re discussing:

What is sex for?

And what does the Bible really say about the place and sacredness of sex?

Let’s read a text from the New Testament that addresses these matters. Matthew 19.1-12.

⁴ “Haven’t you read,” Jesus replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ ⁵ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Jesus has a clear and simple understanding of where sex fits in life. As the one through whom all things were made, Jesus knows also how human beings are sexual in our core.  Before the Fall into sin and distortion, our first parents were made in two separate and distinct genders – sexes. No confusion and no distortion.  Adam was a male; Eve was female. Their body chemistry, their brains and their physical characteristics determined by God’s creative work. The result is that today a typical male – me - can only relate to others as a man and see the world as a man does. I don’t understand the female condition, I can’t. Just as women cannot truly understand the male condition.  And this is good, it keep life interesting. The Apostle Paul says it’s a mystery.

Being two distinct genders our first parents were drawn to each other. Adam sings poetic:

²³ The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

He is drawn to Eve and she to him. They belong together on every level. They intuitively understand that it isn’t good to go through life alone. A partner is needed one in whom they can be fulfilled as a pair of different but equal life partners. Created for union with each other; In a perfect world, God intends that men and women find a partner to open themselves to. Someone to share life with. Someone to help them understand themselves and their urges. Someone who will help them mature. Someone who arouses them and desires intimacy– intimate communion on every level. Emotional, spiritual and physical. To be one flesh means to be known and to know at all these levels, noting left out. No secrets, no resistance, no domination. God is pleased when they embrace; all is as it should be. They are naked and not ashamed, invited to know each other mind and body. Willing to enjoy a deep, meaningful relationship that includes an exciting and fulfilling sex life for both husband and wife.

We should remember like all else in the Garden, everything God established there is good. Being male is good; being female is good. Being sexual is good and having sexual intimacy is good.

Genesis 1.27-28, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. ²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth”

That’s a clear invitation, isn’t it? And other Bible texts agree that even after the Fall, sex is good.

Proverbs 5.18-19 “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹ A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Song 1.2,4; 2.6 “²  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. ⁴  Take me away with you—let us hurry!  Let the king bring me into his chambers. ⁶  His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me

But sex also needs protection.

The next verse in that passage says, this:

 “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

You see after the fall things don’t necessarily become sinful, but they certainly do become marked, distorted and disordered by sin.

Originally sex was meant to come last in a relationship. First the couple came together, exploring on an emotional and spiritual level who the other is and who they are. Creating a bond that will endure before and after physical sex is even possible. And this exploration is carried out carefully, a step at a time because the goal is to become fully open with the other, to test whether the other loves the person or is just after the person’s body. They say beauty is skin deep, but true love sees the true person.

Since the Fall disordered sexuality makes that hard to grasp. Because of the curse males often dominate and use women for their own selfish pleasures. For their part women resist godly leadership and use men for their own selfish pleasures. In both cases a person has become a thing. A series of living, breathing sex toys. In distorted forms of sexuality there is no connection, no person, just things used selfishly. 

There is a lie in our world that says this is okay. Our bodies are unimportant; true fulfillment comes only on the emotional or spiritual level. It’s a lie. 1 Corinthians 6 teaches us that sex joins people in the same way that is described in Genesis 2. The two become one in body, mind and spirit. Whether we believe it or not, there is no such thing as casual sex. All sex is personal – it involves the whole person and it is never casual because two are joined on every level.

We are spiritual beings not objects to be used for another’s pleasure. Using other people directly or through pornography will never fulfill the good and deep need residing in each person. This is a difficult but inescapable reality. We have sexual needs because we are made that way, and equally important are our emotional and spiritual needs. Abusing one will affect the others.

To be healthy, the three must be kept together. This is why true love must be established before physical sex is safe for both participants. True love involves handing your heart, your ‘self’ to another. It’s risky and requires vulnerability. It’s the hard work required before sex can have the meaning God intends. True love is giving up control and becoming vulnerable to be joined to or to join with another at every level of being.

In having sex you hand over more than just your body; everything is opened before the one who takes. Emotions, thoughts, beliefs and body. What if the one you hand all this to, is only just playing around with it? What if their only goal is to take your body? What if after enjoying your body selfishly, they casually through your heart aside?

In Matthew 19 Jesus says what God has joined let no one tear apart. What is a broken heart but to be betrayed in these ways? To be used and discarded. What happens is that scar tissue begins to form around the heart. Let’s be honest, unchecked participation in disordered sexuality is ultimately a prison that prevents the person from fining true intimacy. It becomes more difficult to open to another person. I wasn’t safe then, will I be safe now? It becomes more difficult to have self-respect. It becomes more difficult to be faithful when married.

So what is sex for and why is it sacred needing protection? The Bible is teaching us that sexual union is the climax of a deep meaningful relationship, not the foundation. Ultimately, sex belongs in marriage because marriage is the only container strong enough to protect sex and those who engage in it.

And if this makes no sense to you, then you are probably not yet ready for sex.

Next week we’ll talk more about marriage, but in the time we have left, let’s see how everyone sitting here can live responsibly as sexual beings.

1.       Take responsibility for your own sexuality.

Frequently the Bible asks, are we slaves to bodily urges distorted by sin or are we free in Christ?

³ It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴ that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 1 Thess 4.3-4

The point here is simple. Married or single, our bodies and how we treat them matters.  Almost all youth both male and female will go through a period of self-exploration and masturbation. This is normal and while it is a normal phase of sexual release for teens or a responsible alternative to intercourse for those who are older, it should never become a substitute for the hard work of building that relationship we’ve been talking about. And yes, for those who are married masturbation may continue as a mutually agreed upon activity either alone or together. The truth is that in healthy sexuality there is always a desire for self-satisfaction to deny it is to be naïve or dishonest, but nothing should prevent the goal for the two becoming one on every level.

2.       Keep sex within the protection of marriage.

No doubt this message goes against our culture, but here goes anyway. Singles, desiring intimacy is normal and a worthy goal. At the same time singleness may be God’s call on your life. We read that earlier and if so there will be a sense that God has given the grace to live out that call.

But, if lifelong singleness is not for you then please keep in mind that waiting is appropriate. Singles have just as much opportunity to form satisfying intimate friendships as married people. Singles committed to this are often better at relationships than married people, many of whom rely on sex as a substitute for intimacy. Again, the truth is that we do not need sexual intercourse to be whole people.

Abstaining from sex before marriage also builds for the future. It helps form a strong self-image so that the sense of worth is based on being made in the image of God rather than on animal urges or a desperate search for belonging at any cost. Abstinence before marriage helps with fidelity in marriage. Why is it surprising when a spouse who was promiscuous before marriage struggles with fidelity in marriage?

To that end singles should consider the following questions before they decide to have sex

1.       Am I ready to reveal all my hopes, dreams and fears before we have sex?

2.       Am I ready to engage the adult responsibilities of marriage and family life?

3.       Am I sure that my partner is as committed to the same level of vulnerability as I am?

4.       Have we both shared our sexual past, openly, honestly and forgiven ourselves and each other?

5.       If you are engaging in sex right now, is it wise to continue or is it preventing a deeper more important bond from growing?

And finally for those who are married, are you still enjoying sex, why or why not? You too can ask each other questions that build intimacy and openness.

1.       Do we only has sex because of physical desire or a need to be touched?

2.       Is sex also important as a means of bringing us closer even when we don’t feel like it?

3.       Is sex the icing on the cake or is it all that seems to keeping us together?

4.       Are we both protecting our own and each other’s sexuality?

The only way that sex provides the full wonder of what God desires for us is when the relationship is intimate, growing and fiercely guarded by both partners. Next week we’ll discuss marriage.